the last hour before 02.06

the most horibble birthday eve?
probably

nah
i cant pretend i don't know anything

i spent an hour looking at the screen of my handphone
don't know where to start
i finally typed something out
i was scared.
this is killing me

ok
this was not the first time
being so hard for me to type out one SMS
weird? it has been so many SMS seemed to be killing me this year

seriously
this took the longest time

but it didn't really succeed
or should i say
i FAIL-ed

so
what am i to say?

i know it's bad
i know if i were you
i may not be able to accept

i know you feel horrible

you may think that
i have actually thought about all the consequences
before i wrote that thingy down

yeah you said
i am smart enough
to have considered about all these

yeah you are right
i usually think further before i make one decision
but this time
i am sorry to say NO.

i wrote that down 10 seconds before i handed it in
i neglected all the consideration i have made that whole morning because
i liked it?
unfortunately YEAH.

SORRY
i can't force myself to ignore my interest
most importantly
i don't have such strong sixth sense to have known it will come true
i thought i should say sorry
yeah i said




nah
life is too short
to be filled with hatred.disappointment.sadness.regrets

i am not sure whether or not to be forgiven

i knew
you were committed.dedicated
most importantly, you love it
why don't just prove it?

i am not sure whether you'll come to see this
but i know i am not good in face-to-face discussion

until now
i am not sure whether i was wrong
at least i know 我不是偷、骗、抢、拍马屁得来的

half an hour ago
i thought i was mad
yeah i think i was insane
my eyesight was blurred.