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循环播放着：掉了、四季、抛物线、切歌、外面的世界、街角的祝福
我时常这样

看着《杀手》
明白它为何从图书馆被取出来
实在变态到不行

就这样无所事事
睡不着

也不去做该做的
也不去解决该解决的
惨了

反复提醒自己不能敷衍
却讨厌这种严肃

格外寂寞

心里矛盾到不行
将过多的想法储藏在后脑勺算了

一直很努力压抑

坚强，只是因为懂得掩饰软弱
没错

谢谢你们。

迷惘

近来
不知搞什么
搞得所有事情都一塌糊涂的

也许老师说得没错
我前世太贪心了
渴望一个有意义的生活

现在
却过得过于有意义了


但
这始终只是自我安慰。

也许
问题最终出现在我身上...
所有事情的发生都源自于我的不坦白？

一再的
体会失去的感觉
一再的
尝试挽回、关心、爱

当朋友、家庭、功课、学会
皆不顺利

出问题的
会不会是我？

我本想
我应该检讨一下了

因此一直很内疚
内疚得我都不知道自己在内疚什么了

可我沉淀了好久
一直没办法找到实际理由

只能这样迷糊地错

我明明就很清楚
压力快超出可以负荷的重量

可是
这都不是我一个人的问题
说解决就解决
哪有那么容易？

没有大海
没有隔音室
无法呐喊

也只好拿着纸巾听歌

看着自己的部落格
忽然觉得自己很恐怖
在班上可以笑得比任何人都大声
可是
整个部落格里约9成都是些不开心的心情故事

精神分裂症











对不起
拖泥带水的
是我。

久违

一口气将千多封简讯删掉了
结果电话忽然关机
开机、关机、开机、关机
终于开机了
我赢了
=o =

思绪一直没有办法整理好
明明就没有很乱
只不过我神经线可能绕多了几个圈
是自己弄复杂了
也许

不也曾将脑袋里所有问题写下
但是时常不过两天
神经线又会自己卷成一团

应该把“垃圾”抛进recycle bin
可惜脑袋没有这样的运作
因
感性存在

真的没有办法
像电脑一样要删就删
只需5秒钟

科技仍旧无情
多先进也只不过是机械

人类终究有情
多理性也都会感动

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

张惠妹 - 掉了

作词∶吴青峰　作曲∶吴青峰

心疼的玫瑰 半夜还开著
找不到匆匆掉落的花蕊
回到现场却已来不及
等待任何回音都不可得

微弱的风筝 冬天里飘著
回不去手中缠线的那个
没有蓝天 又何必去飞 怎么适合

黑色笑靥掉了 雪白眼泪掉了
该出现的所有表情瞬间掉了
瞳孔没有颜色 结了冰的长河
回忆是最可怕的敌人
故事情节掉了 主角对白掉了
该属于剧中的对角戏也掉了
胸口没有快乐 断了翅的白鸽
不枯萎的藉口全掉了

曾经唱过的歌 分享过的笑声
在心中不断拉扯
想念不能承认 偷偷擦去泪痕
冬天过了还是会很冷

黑色笑靥掉了 雪白眼泪掉了
该出现的所有表情瞬间掉了
瞳孔没有颜色 结了冰的长河
回忆是最可怕的敌人
故事情节掉了 主角对白掉了
该属于剧中的对角戏也掉了
胸口没有快乐 断了翅的白鸽
不枯萎的藉口全掉了


震撼


“我没哭
但旁边的枕头早已湿透” -摘自某人的创作

duh.

it's funny larr
when you did so many unintentional mistakes
ok....so that's unintentional
meaning that you wouldn't know you are wrong
until someone tells you about it

ok...so?
yeah i didn't make any explanations
i am sick of it i guess

it was like keep on explaining
so what's in the end?
you won't know what will happen duh
not every story has a happy ending

解释就是掩饰 掩饰就是不出色

so...
i chose not to explain
duh i was tired

yeah i really was

suddenly realised
ok....i did more than 5 unintentional mistakes this week
it was like WHOA
ok most of them was actually not my mistake pun
it was like suddenly
"hey....***********************"
so?

ok...
i won't be explaining

time cures isn't it?
if time don't cure then don't bother larr
i am really sick of it

ARGGH.

damn tired
not enough of stress? duh.

more than enough

whatever

loads of thanks....

happie~~~

guess this was the busiest birthday ever!!!
duh. paiseh la
it's so not ordinary to have my birthday during schooling days
it should be hols by now!!!!

ok lar.
better lar :)

so
i was so damn shocked
when i saw something shouldn't belong to my bag
lol.

but it's already after school lar...
cant thank them one by one
hey there are approx. 100 WISHES in the card!!!!!!!!!!!!
owh ILU xJ
<3

:)

thanks everyone :)
for the warm wishes
thanks yann siao po ;x
for being listener...or else i've already dead
thanks hoon too :)
thanks to 4S2!!!!
S2R!!!!!!!

thanks xJ.....
for my first "birthday scrapbook" ever!!!!
touched larrrrrr

:)

the last hour before 02.06

the most horibble birthday eve?
probably

nah
i cant pretend i don't know anything

i spent an hour looking at the screen of my handphone
don't know where to start
i finally typed something out
i was scared.
this is killing me

ok
this was not the first time
being so hard for me to type out one SMS
weird? it has been so many SMS seemed to be killing me this year

seriously
this took the longest time

but it didn't really succeed
or should i say
i FAIL-ed

so
what am i to say?

i know it's bad
i know if i were you
i may not be able to accept

i know you feel horrible

you may think that
i have actually thought about all the consequences
before i wrote that thingy down

yeah you said
i am smart enough
to have considered about all these

yeah you are right
i usually think further before i make one decision
but this time
i am sorry to say NO.

i wrote that down 10 seconds before i handed it in
i neglected all the consideration i have made that whole morning because
i liked it?
unfortunately YEAH.

SORRY
i can't force myself to ignore my interest
most importantly
i don't have such strong sixth sense to have known it will come true
i thought i should say sorry
yeah i said




nah
life is too short
to be filled with hatred.disappointment.sadness.regrets

i am not sure whether or not to be forgiven

i knew
you were committed.dedicated
most importantly, you love it
why don't just prove it?

i am not sure whether you'll come to see this
but i know i am not good in face-to-face discussion

until now
i am not sure whether i was wrong
at least i know 我不是偷、骗、抢、拍马屁得来的

half an hour ago
i thought i was mad
yeah i think i was insane
my eyesight was blurred.